Okay then…!

Posted on May 19, 2012 by

As is so often the case, during the times of biggest crisis is when we have the least energy for self-reflection. (Translation: After launching this blog, I began taking a trigonometry class, prior to starting an intensive 10-month grad school program to become a teacher — and here we are, 15-months-and-zero-new-posts later. Sigh.)

But now I’m DONE, with all of it. I got my teaching license in the mail on Thursday, with (no lie) all nine endorsements on it, and now all that’s left is finding a job. In a tanking economy, where education is being hit as hard or harder than all other industries, and where our school district in particular is experiencing a huge $37 million budget deficit. Fortunately, I can apply to surrounding school districts as well. Unfortunately, many of them are suffering just as much.

Still, I remain optimistic. I made it through grad school with a 4.0, and as I said, nine license endorsements: HS/MS* English, HS/MS Basic Mathematics, HS/MS Speech Communication, MS Social Studies, MS Integrated Science, and MS Multiple Subjects. (*Each HS/MS counts as two endorsements, one at each level.)

Plus, apparently, I can teach Italian. No, really — even though I can barely remember a few words of the two classes I took, way back in college, nearly 20 years ago. But it says so, on my license, because I can teach anything at the appropriate age level that is a “no endorsement” subject. Do not ask me why you don’t need an endorsement to teach Italian — it’s required for all other foreign languages. But hey — I’ll take what I can get, at this point!

Anyway, just thought I’d dip my toes back in the blogosphere and say hi. I know no one reads this blog (not fishing for compliments, here; I have the statistics to prove those crickets are telling me the truth), but it was always meant as sort of an online catharsis for me. So if I’m having fun, that’s all that matters, right?

Hope everyone’s having a great weekend! Catch you next time….

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I Agree with Barbie

Posted on February 15, 2011 by

Math is hard. But that doesn’t mean it’s insurmountable. And hard can be good (har, har).

But seriously folks! I’m getting into the meat of the pre-calc review I’ve started, and I actually do recognize most of it. But I think I need a more workbook-y addition to my arsenal. The books I got (the “Dummies” series – whose titles I hate, BTW, but whose methods and tone work really well!) have tons of explanations and tips and reminders, but have very few practice problems. I’m refreshing on everything, but I need some practical work to cement it all in my brain.

It’s challenging. It’s difficult. It’s exhilarating.

And I’m loving it! To the point that I’m thinking of squeezing in an actual Calc class before I start the MAT program in June. Crazy, right?

Oh yeah – and I offered myself up to the slaughter. I emailed the DD’s spring soccer coach, to ask if she needed/wanted an assistant. I figured, I’ll be at every practice anyway. Still, it’s one more thing, in an already busy spring. I don’t know whether to hope she says yes, or hope she says no!

Yeep!

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Movement

Posted on February 11, 2011 by

It’s official – I’ve been unemployed for over a year now (my “anniversary” was yesterday). It’s been a long, strange journey, not the least because in that entire time, I’ve only been called for one job interview.

One.

For those that know me, this is… not usual. I was in the high-tech industry for 20 years. I’ve had long-lasting jobs (nearly nine years at one of them!), several of which I landed by going in as a temp and impressing my employers so much they literally called the agency I worked for and asked, “Can we keep her?”

I’m not making this up, or exaggerating; in fact, the above is a direct quote, which I’m writing about simply to make a point: I’m marketable, and skilled at what I do. And yet, I’m STILL not getting past the résumé stage.

In a little over two months, my emergency-emergency Tier 2 unemployment runs out (the first tier ran out long ago). I’ve applied for everything remotely connected to my previous field, including jobs I’m way over-qualified for. And still, nada.

So after much soul-searching, I’ve decided to go back to school to get my MAT. I’ve always wanted to be a teacher, and in fact, have been a teacher. I taught childbirth classes for 6.5 years, and in most of my high-tech jobs, gave classes in software applications, presentation design, or, well, whatever needed to be taught. So this is a natural transition for me.

However, what I’ve always really really wanted to be is a Math teacher. But… I didn’t major in math. Oh sure – I was always good at math. I took AP Calculus in High School, and tested out of an entire year of math at UC Berkeley. But when as a freshman, I started to take the next level of Calculus, I realized I didn’t love it enough to do just that for the next four years. Instead, I have a BA in Comparative Literature (French/English), with an emphasis on Early Arthurian lit (very-very early: 6th-12th century).

So when I started applying to grad schools, I picked English as my field, and Middle/High School as my level. But here in Oregon (as in many states) we have a glut of English teachers. Still, I did it anyway, signing up to take the English subject placement exam, and also the CBEST and the ORELA Multi-Subject I&II, which I needed to qualify for the Middle School endorsement. The ORELA was hard, but I passed, doing better than I hoped, especially on the math portions.

Fast-forward to my grad school interview, where they told me… Big surprise! It’s hard to place/market an English teacher. BUT. Had I considered going for a math endorsement? They said my scores were high enough, if I could pass the Math subject level exam, I could add the endorsement with no more coursework, or maybe one or two classes at most. They recommended I take the test, so I went home and paid for the exam. Then I promptly freaked out.

What the hell was I thinking?? I haven’t taken a math class since before college, let alone in college.

I forced myself to breathe, and downloaded the practice exam. Which I promptly flunked. (Okay, I got the equivalent of a D+/C-, but still.)

More freaking out. More breathing. Much paralysis.

I registered for the exam on January 20. I have yet to pick/schedule a date to actually take it. Every time I look at the registration email, I feel like it’s a viper, hissing up at me. What if I fail? What if I can’t do it? What if I only get the English endorsement and then, AGAIN, I find myself in a situation where I can’t get an interview, much less a job? Which I’ll need to pay the $25K in student loans I’m about to get.

But here’s the thing. Despite all the freaking out and hyperventilation and paralysis, I’m… enjoying doing math again. When taking the practice test, the one single thing I found encouraging was that I recognized every single term. Maybe I didn’t remember what to do with it, but it was familiar, and I felt good, working that part of my brain.

So today, I finally did something about my fear: I went to the bookstore. (Despite being a techno-queen, there are some times when I need to browse a physical bookstore, flip through pages, and pick out a real live book whose pages I can scribble on, in order to learn – or re-learn - the subject matter.)

And I looked at the Math shelves. And I picked out two books, one on Pre-Calculus, one on Calculus. I flipped through the Algebra II book, but it felt too “easy” for me, and when I looked at the other two, again, everything was familiar, just not fully “known”. I’ve already started the first one, and can’t wait to get fully into them. And discovering I can refresh my skills so comparatively easily tells me… I’m doing the right thing.

It’s like opening up my favorite novel for a reread. I know all the characters, remember them, their trials and tribulations. But it’s exciting to embark on the journey with them again, knowing I’ll learn something new about them, or about myself, as I go along.

It’s still a little scary. But in a good, challenging kind of way.

And best of all – I’m having fun again!! It’s been a long time since I’ve felt this much hope.

Hope your dreams are rewarding, too!

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Today, We Are…

Posted on February 9, 2011 by

…dealing with crap. Sick daughter – stuffy nose, sore throat, cough. Thought it was allergies, but two days of pills and she’s just getting worse. Home from school today. Hopefully only today.

…tired of the pain. Have an appointment with a physical therapist for my leg/hip/tendon/whatever it is, that isn’t getting better. Six or seven weeks since it started, three weeks of no running, two weeks trying not to walk on it, and no change. Blech.

…burned out. Spent 1o hours filling out financial aid apps yesterday. Ten hours! And over six of those were on ONE application. Six essays written: two for scholarships, four just as “personal statements” for the financial aid app itself. So I’m kind of sick of writing about myself. But the good news is, I may have a couple of contributors lined up. I won’t out you yet, but you know who you are.

…going to focus on relearning trigonometry and calculus. Yeah, fun, right? Actually, it is. It’s just been way too long since I did it. But I need to get my middle grades math endorsement test scheduled, and before I do that, I need to… um… know middle grades math.

…not as chipper. But hey – that’s what this blog’s all about. Life isn’t always chipper, especially here in the sagging middle. Wish me luck that the rise up and out the other side just keeps getting better!

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A Sad Truth, Universally (un-)Recognized

Posted on February 7, 2011 by

Now that I’m blogging again, I don’t have time to read the blogs I follow. Which I’ve been trying to whittle down anyway, but not by ignoring them. That doesn’t work, anyway, since I use Google Reader, and they all just keep collecting there, like a giant digital TBR pile.

Anyway, while half-watching the Super Bowl (GO PACKERS!!!), I managed to skim most of the 45 items I hadn’t read yet this week, and ran across this sad, awful compilation of stats about the number of books by male authors, as reviewed by various Respected Publications, vs. books that were written by women and reviewed in the same publications.

Or… not reviewed.

I guess, in this day and age, I had Pollyanna hopes that, at the very LEAST in more “creative” industries, we’d reached some sort of equilibrium in the Man vs. Woman Societal Respect Race. Especially here in the good ol’ equali-tastic U.S. of A. But if you click through to the site and scroll down, the red in the review graphs (books by men) shockingly, horrifyingly, glaringly FAR outweighs the blue (books by women). So do the number of male reviewers vs. female ones.

It’s a sad, sad day. Here’s another article about the subject, with more in-depth coverage (and opposing views, if you go for the balanced approach – which I do! Really! I just happen to be a writer, who is a woman, so this stuff hits close to home). I don’t know what the solution is. I just know there are many-many excellent female authors out there, and if “fluff” by Tom Clancy* gets space in the NYT, so should genre fiction written by women.

Blech. Off to do something feminist and fun, like clean house or wash the laundry. Better yet, I’ll take a shower and wash all those stats right outta my hair…!

* No disrespect to Mr. Clancy intended. I simply mean that women often write in genres that are considered less “serious” or “literary” than men, such as Romance or Young Adult Literature. But even when you level the playing field – picking a genre fiction author such as Mr. Clancy – the number of male-written books reviewed still outnumbers those by women in factors of 2X, 4X or more.

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You Have Got to Be Kidding

Posted on February 4, 2011 by

Before Christmas, I injured my leg somehow, running on the treadmill. Well, properly, it wasn’t my leg – it’s probably a tendon, up on the outer top of my thigh, near the hip-joint - and it didn’t happen while running. It happened afterwards, when I got busy and didn’t stretch for two days in a row. I know I can’t skip the stretching, and yet, I did it anyway. Bad runner – bad!

As a result, I’ve been unable to run for several weeks now, and after initially trying to go for walks instead, and then reinjuring it (apparently), I’m now reduced to staying off of it as much as possible. (What the doc actually said was, “NO EXERCISE, for AT LEAST a month.”) Unfortunately, it hurts the most when I stand up and start walking, so “staying off it” is a mixed bag.

But as part of trying to diagnose it, my sports doctor (different from my “regular” doctor – who is actually a FABULOUS Nurse Practitioner) ordered x-rays of my hip/pelvis area, just to rule out a stress fracture. I was sure that wasn’t it, but what the hey. Then, in looking at the films, he noticed something “odd” that he wanted to “discuss” with the x-ray techs. Through the magic of modern technology, my results were emailed to me the next day:

There is bilateral mild superolateral hip joint space narrowing, subchondral sclerosis, and osteophyte formation….Degenerative disk disease and facet arthropathy of the lower lumbar spine.

Translation: Mild arthritis.

* pause *

Mild arthritis??? ARTHRITIS??? I’m only 41! When I asked the doc about it, he said, “Many but not all 41 year olds would have similar findings. The best thing you can do is to stay active and keep the muscles strong.”

Okay, so first off, see “NO EXERCISE” above. Then just come shoot me. I mean, seriously. No, it’s not the end of the world, and in fact, may just run in my genes. Not sure if arthritis per se can be genetic, but I’m a carrier for Legg-Calvé-Perthes disease. In the short version, it’s a vascular disorder of the hip, completely self-correcting, it passes down through the female line, male children mainly get it, and when they do get it, they generally have early onset arthritis in their hips as adults, often in their 40s. My father and his brother both had Perthes, as does my son (did – he’s completely recovered now).

So I don’t know if that’s why it’s showing up now for me. And I know I shouldn’t worry about it – after all, if they hadn’t x-rayed my hips for my running injury, I wouldn’t even know I have arthritis. I have no pain in my hips, no difficulty moving them, nothing. It’s just… incontrovertible evidence that I’m getting older. Like wrinkles, which I’m getting, or gray hair, which fortunately so far, I’m not. (Another thing I probably get from my dad’s side of the family - he had hardly any gray hair at all when he died at the age of 60.)

Now I’m going to go find some cheesecake, since I can’t run for a few weeks anyway. I’m sure there’s evidence somewhere that cheesecake helps cure arthritis. If not, there should be!

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OMG – I Found My Pants!

Posted on February 3, 2011 by

Okay, forget what I wrote yesterday and the day before. Here’s the REAL-real reason I started this blog: I’m 41 years old, unemployed for over a year, going through a massive career change, and trying to make ends meet, using microscopic bits of string that most sane people would toss in the trash.

I’m also married with two kids (in 6th and 3rd grade). I have a mother and mother-in-law who live in 1 BR apartments on very small fixed incomes, no siblings or siblings-in-law to help out (DH and I are both “onlies”), and just a few close friends who live locally, that I still rarely get to see. (I have other “close” friends, but they live between 200 and 4000 miles away.)

Things are tight, and I shop mainly at thrift stores, or if I feel like splurging, Target. But for some reason, last September, the DH and decided to finish the floor in the downstairs family room, which we started remodeling 4-5 years ago. Through a series of unfortunate events, including-but-not-limited-to having a “hump” in the floor that necessitated a contractor pouring $3000 of concrete over it (see “Things are tight…” above), we’re still not done with it. There’s four of us, plus three cats and two dogs, and we’ve been living in only half our house for over five months now. Our garage looks like an episode of Hoarders (which I freely admit to watching, mainly to make myself feel better about my own life), and between Christmas and various other things, our life hasn’t been “normal” since… well… EVER.

With me so far? Okay then!

Based on the above, you might suspect that I wear my clothes until they’re threadbare, or have so many holes in them, I can no longer tell where my arms or legs go. I also know how many pairs of everything I have. But one day in December, I suddenly realized I was missing a pair of jeans. I don’t know how long they’d been gone, but I couldn’t find them anywhere. They weren’t in the laundry, or my husband’s drawers by mistake. I asked my BFF in the Seattle area if we’d left them at her place over Thanksgiving, but no, they weren’t there.

I was seriously bummed. Over the last two years, I’ve lost about 30 lbs, running on a treadmill and trying to eat a basically healthy diet (but flexible – cherry pie and cheesecake should NOT be excluded from a healthy diet, IMO), and these were one of my pairs of “thinner me” jeans. Plus, they were super comfy, flattering, and one of two pairs of actual NEW jeans I’d bought at – gasp! – Old Navy, because someone gave me a gift card for Christmas the year before. Besides which, I hate clothes shopping. So I’ve been dragging my heels about replacing them. No money, no time, no inclination to go sort through the Value Village racks, hoping something halfway decent will fit me.

Fast forward to today, when I decided to make bread to go with the soup I’m cooking for dinner. Remember the Hoarders Garage? My bread machine was buried in it, in a wooden cart we usually keep in the laundry room, but which was removed so we could finish the painting/floors in there. Of course, the cart was also buried, so my simple idea to make bread resulted in 30 minutes of digging through the garage, dragging the cart back into the laundry room (we’re done with that corner of the room, at least – whoo-hoo!), shoving it into place, and then going back into the garage for another 15 minutes to fix the chaos I caused with the original digging.

Finally, when all of that was done, I opened up the cabinet in the cart to get out the breadmaker. Inside, next to the machine, were a stack of drawer inserts from IKEA – the medium-square kind that can zip down and store flat, only they were still zipped up and taking up space. I thought, hmm, maybe I should zip them down, since we’re clearly not using them. So in a quasi-ADD kind of way, I dragged them out to deal with before making the bread, only to discover….

My pants. Folded neatly in the bottom one.

D’oh.

So THAT’S why I started this blog. Because my life is SO insane, I can actually lose a pair of pants, in my own house. But on the bright side, I guess I can also ultimately find them again!!

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